Suffering

With Kundalini, it is sometimes impossible to use logic to figure out what is happening. Moreover, it is impossible (unless one undergoes a series of medical tests every day, or every week) to know, unless otherwise specified by the body, what is Kundalini moving around doing her various things and what is just the body being sick, being sensitive, having a ‘down day’ etc.

The fact is, what she does is a mystery from moment to moment. I used to have chest pains that were so intense they drove me to various emergency rooms, only to find that nothing was wrong. Same with my pelvic area - pain with no discernable medical cause - same with my brain, same with many other places. Although I would never advise not getting tested, chances are if you are undergoing a Kundalini process your various aches, pains, discomforts and altered states can be attributed to her. But knowing this does not always allow us to rest easy, does it?

Life goes on. Jobs need to be attended and worked with vigilance. Families need to be nurtured and fed. There is a whole list of practicalities which need to be taken care of in life which don’t always fall in line with the Kundalini agenda. The illnesses which can take place have no normal duration, the pains have no obvious conclusion. Sometimes we can be bedridden and made ‘invalid’ by these phenomena. I am currently going through something like this now. Flu-like symptoms with no discernable cause, which comes one day and is gone the next. Some say it’s the liver/kidneys detoxing, other say it’s parasites. What does one with Kundalini believe? One would hope she would search her heart for the answers, but these answers don’t always come. Just like in meditation one cannot logically understand what the samadhi state is - one cannot logically try to understand what is happening inside.

So what is the best thing to do?

Well, I’ve been reading a lot of quotes by various writers/philosophers/saints which speak about perception being fundamental to happiness. If life is suffering then we must rise up to not only meet it but surmount despair, this is the only way to happiness. We cannot search for it externally but rather internally find the light and the way. No matter what our lot in life happens to be, if we don’t do this we fall prey to whatever ‘demons’ exist in the mind, which can easily multiply over time (misery loves company.) Sometimes one puts suffering upon oneself, but in the case of a Kundalini awakening the suffering can be very, very real and very hard to surmount. My suffering has been in various degrees since I awakened 5 years ago, and now with this ‘flu’ I am finding it nearly impossible to have a clear thought, let alone go to work and thus provide for my family. 

But there is nothing to do but keep trying to push through it and try to be happy in the meantime. This is not to say I do not break down. Sometimes I do every single day. But finding the light within is a long journey full of many pitfalls and trials. The only thing I can do is keep pushing onwards. Otherwise, perish. And there is too much beauty and love in this life to give up. 

© Shannon Naithair Teine, 2011.